Monday, May 7, 2012

Silent Vows (Alessandra Post)

(35 BC Volterra, Italy)

I was thankfully, for the first time in three days no longer thirsty. Having drank my fill in the throne rooms, only to later realize what a horrible, terrible thing I had done. I had killed humans simply for their blood. I had drunk until, I was no longer thirsty. Drinking until there was nothing left inside of them. Of course Aro and the others coed and awed over it. But I was utterly horrified at myself. I kept staring down at my hands, trying to desperately wake myself up. I kept hoping that it was all a bad dream. That I was still actually dying in the courtyard and not still living. Or rather one of the unliving. That I wasn’t a monster at all. That it was just a dream.

However, after three days of praying and desperately trying to wake myself up, I realized that this was nothing more than real. I was officially one of them a monster. A member of the Volturi now. Another piece added to Aro’s great master plan. And I didn’t relish in the fact that I was now a member of a vampire coven. That I was one of them.

“Do not see it as a curse.” Didyme had whispered to me when I finally realized that this wasn’t a dream. “See it as a gift.” She had instructed. A gift. She had said. How could this possibly be a gift. This was not a gift. It was a nightmare, I thought not for the first time, holding my stomach watching the stars twinkle high up in the darken sky.

I felt as if I had lost whatever life had once been inside of me. I felt as if I was nowhere to be found. All I could feel was the hurt and pain I had felt when I attempted to kill myself. All I could feel was hatred for the Volturi and its leader. I couldn’t think straight anymore. Everything was just a big blur. I was now one of them. I was part of their group, and nothing I did would change that. I couldn’t leave. I could never go home. At least not while there were people there who knew who I was.

Besides, it didn’t matter. There was no one left in Rome who could help me. Not now, not while I myself was the very creature I had once sought so desperately to destroy. And there was no use in pretending that I would be able to die one day. Vampires couldn’t die. They lived forever. The only way a vampire could die is if it was cut down to pieces and burned. Well, Aro had made it perfectly clear that this would never happened to me after I had pleaded with him when I had first woken.

If I had only slight my wrist a farther. If I had only managed to slip away before had found me. If I had only tried to kill myself while I was on the way to Rome. Perhaps I could have managed to succeed. Perhaps I would be some place happy right now. I could even be with Piran.

At the mere thought of Piran I closed my eyes and twisted the bracelet I still had on. I wondered what my once boyfriend would think of me now. He would probably be terrified of me. I thought sinking down to the spot where everything inside of me had died. I touched the grass softly.

It was there that I made a silent vow to myself. I would never be fully happy as a vampire. I would never be the same person I was before. Full of life and energy. Full of spirit and adventure. No, I would never command a room as I once did full of people, all eyes trained on me. I would never trust anyone again; I would never have friends or let myself get hurt the way I was when my family was killed and my life taken from me. From now on, I would walk alone. I would shut everything and everyone out. And no matter what the Volturi thought, I would never, never be part of them. And one day, one day I would have my revenge on the very people who thought me one of them. One day, I would either leave or I would die. Of that, I was certain.

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