Monday, May 7, 2012
Bitterness cannot always be swayed by Happines
(Volterra, Italy, 35 BC)
I had been brought into a new room that was little more than the size one of the slave’s rooms in my father’s once beautiful villa. There was nothing more in the room than a cot on the floor, and a pitcher of water with a clay cup. I sat silently on the bed staring at the floor and squeezing the itchy wool blankets underneath me.
If Master Aro had promised me that I would be pampered than it was best that I had not believed him. For at the very moment I felt as if I was little more than the slave I technically was. I stared at the pitcher and cup in my room.
I was utterly exhausted yet I didn’t want to sleep. I knew that my sleep only be plagued by nightmares as it had been since that day Master Aro had my family and friends murdered. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw the ruined remains of what had once been my father’s home, and the tears would once again stream down my cheeks.
So instead of sleeping, I simply leaned up against the wall of my tiny cell and forced my eyes to stay open. How could he dream of keeping me here? I wondered. Did he not realize that I did not want to be a vampire? I didn’t want to become a monster. Only a monster would do the things he had done. It wasn’t fair that the Gods decided to grant me with such a cruel fate, with no way out. Why oh why wouldn’t he just kill me? Surely the blood of a priestess was better than that of a mere peasant. I thought looking down at the veins flowing through my thin arm.
It was then that I realized exactly how hungry I truly was and heard my stomach growl. I could do with a decent meal. The last time I had eaten was the bit of food I had in Rome before Caius had found me. I glanced over at the huge door to my room but only to fine that it was bolted with such a big bolt, I knew I could never lift it with my mind.
I had to be born with a powerful talent. I thought bitterly lifting a small stone on the floor with my mind and watching it dance in front of me. It was this very talent that had landed me inside the temple of Vesta forcing me to give up my virginity to a goddess I had known nothing about at the time. My talent had caused my family’s murder. My talent had killed Piran. I thought silently twisting the bracelet I still wore which he had so carefully fashioned for me. The shiny sea stones used to shine in the light. But now it was as filthy as I was.
An image of Piran came unbidden as I stared down at the tiny bracelet. I could see him standing before me, smelling of the horses he so carefully kept for my father. His gentle eyes looking kindly down at me and I sucked my breath in. Wishing more than ever that I could simply die. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing. I thought bitterly pulling up my legs and burying my head into them. Letting the tears silently stream down my cheeks.
“Vestia…” I heard a gentle woman’s voice say but I didn’t lift my head up. I felt the cold, gentle touch of a vampire and decided that I did not want to look up at the woman I knew was kneeling before me. “Vestia, I know you are awake.” The voice said very gently. “I brought you some food.” The voice continued moving a tray of food in front of me so I could smell it. I heard my stomach growl but refused to look up. If Master Aro would not kill me, than perhaps I could starve myself. I thought.
“Vestia.” The voice said again very gently and I felt a wave of gentle happiness creep over me. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to be happy. I thought bitterly. The vampire sighed. “Vestia.” She said my name again more firmly, and I finally relented lifting my head up to see her burgundy eyes which were full of concern.
“Leave me alone.” I whispered letting my legs down. The tears still flowing down my checks despite Didyme’s best efforts.
“You’re blocking me out.” She said softly. I looked down. No, I wasn’t blocking her out, but I refused to let her talent change the way I was truly feeling.
“Please Didyme, please kill me.” I begged the vampire woman. Didyme sighed softly and shook her head.
“You know I could never do that.” She said gently touching my cheek. “I did not save you from those poachers all those years ago to simply kill you now. Life as a vampire is not as bad as you may think.” She said kindly. Once again sitting the tray of food on my lap.
“How can you think that for a moment, I want to be part of this?” I asked shaking my head. “How can you truly believe I want to be a member of the Volturi after whathe did…” I whispered choking down tears. Didyme tried once again to send a wave of happiness over me but I shook it off as best as I could.
“I may not always agree with my brothers methods dear, but you would be part of a great and powerful family…. One that would go on for all eternity….”
“I was part of a great and powerful family.” I snapped. “Please Didyme. Please---“ I begged.
“Sh… Let us not talk about your death. For the moment. You need a bath, and some food, Sulpicia has found a new dress for you. One of silk. Would you like that?” Didyme tried ignoring my pleas. I simply stared at her.
“Just leave me alone, if you’re not going to kill me.” I said pushing myself away from her. Didyme simply sighed.
“As you wish, but darling, once Aro makes up his mind there is no stopping him.” She said gently bolting the door behind her.
I sat on the cot staring at the bolted door and closed my eyes, shoving the food away. The smell of it only upsetting my stomach even more. Of one thing I was certain, I would never become a Volturi member.